A thought on dating
I recently posted an article from Mark Driscoll on missionary dating on Facebook: http://theresurgence.com/2014/01/29/missionary-dating-and-other-bad-ideas. After I shared the article, a couple of my friends on Facebook began to protest against the article (they are non-Christians btw). Part of the reason is because of the view that Christians cannot date non-Christians even if the non-Christian is awesome and that Christians are limiting themselves and restricting their choices of dates.
Here I would like to provide some thoughts regarding this issue. Assuming that we are talking about normal dates whereby a guy just meets up a girl to interact and build relationship with a view on getting beyond the friendship level but with no intention to get into marriage, I will say that the guy, regardless of his religion, is free and has all the choices under the heaven. That being said, I am by no means saying that I approve of such approach, but given the parameter, this is possible and entirely implementable. But it is true that if I just want to go out and date, I do not need to be bothered about who I date.
But the question is what happen if my mind frame changes to that of seeking life partner? Here, I am assuming that any tom, dick and harry would want their future spouse to meet certain criteria or standards before they decide to marry them and that these folks set their own standards who they want to marry. Granted that some make unwise decisions, but let's just make that particular assumption. This means that when I want to get married, I inadvertently start to limit my scope and options. (By options, I am referring to the entire population from whom the guy can select from.) I begin to eliminate choices, and this means that there are awesome girls around which I have to remove from my list. From personal experience, this was what I did and I find nothing wrong with it. I know of girls outside of my Christian circle who are not only prettier than some of the sisters whom I find in church, but also more virtuous. I eliminated these people from my options. Is this sad? I don't think so because without setting those boundaries, we literally go for anything and everything without the point of reference. We are actually telling the world that we do not know what we want. For Christians who have chosen to take the principle of unequal yoke seriously, I would say that this means they will consciously eliminate the other choices around them who are not sharing the same faith as them. This is no difference from non-Christian guys who may want to look girls who can relate well with their parents, or as what 9GAG always says, look for girls who are fellow gamers or support the same football club as you.
Does it mean that the Christian guy will find himself with a more limited pool to choose from? The answer is yes. But does that mean that it is a very small pool to begin with? I would say no. Depending on how you define your pool, the Christian guy will still end up with a sizable pool to choose from. The Christian population in Singapore, based on the last census, is around 18%. Statistically speaking, the male population is smaller than the female population. This means that economically, the guy is in an advantage in choosing and his pool is not that limited after all. In fact, he may even be highly desirable, assuming he is indeed a highly desirable guy to begin with. (What happen to the Christian girl is another issue which I will address in the future, if I have time.)
In ending, I have to disclaim that I am purely addressing my friends' comments on my post. This forms part of my views on relationship but not the entire picture. As I have always emphasized with my friends, I am quite a conservative when it comes to relationship and marriage. Given certain assumptions, and I don't think these are unreasonable, the problems that my friends brought up can actually be circumvented by shifting our perspectives a little.
Here I would like to provide some thoughts regarding this issue. Assuming that we are talking about normal dates whereby a guy just meets up a girl to interact and build relationship with a view on getting beyond the friendship level but with no intention to get into marriage, I will say that the guy, regardless of his religion, is free and has all the choices under the heaven. That being said, I am by no means saying that I approve of such approach, but given the parameter, this is possible and entirely implementable. But it is true that if I just want to go out and date, I do not need to be bothered about who I date.
But the question is what happen if my mind frame changes to that of seeking life partner? Here, I am assuming that any tom, dick and harry would want their future spouse to meet certain criteria or standards before they decide to marry them and that these folks set their own standards who they want to marry. Granted that some make unwise decisions, but let's just make that particular assumption. This means that when I want to get married, I inadvertently start to limit my scope and options. (By options, I am referring to the entire population from whom the guy can select from.) I begin to eliminate choices, and this means that there are awesome girls around which I have to remove from my list. From personal experience, this was what I did and I find nothing wrong with it. I know of girls outside of my Christian circle who are not only prettier than some of the sisters whom I find in church, but also more virtuous. I eliminated these people from my options. Is this sad? I don't think so because without setting those boundaries, we literally go for anything and everything without the point of reference. We are actually telling the world that we do not know what we want. For Christians who have chosen to take the principle of unequal yoke seriously, I would say that this means they will consciously eliminate the other choices around them who are not sharing the same faith as them. This is no difference from non-Christian guys who may want to look girls who can relate well with their parents, or as what 9GAG always says, look for girls who are fellow gamers or support the same football club as you.
Does it mean that the Christian guy will find himself with a more limited pool to choose from? The answer is yes. But does that mean that it is a very small pool to begin with? I would say no. Depending on how you define your pool, the Christian guy will still end up with a sizable pool to choose from. The Christian population in Singapore, based on the last census, is around 18%. Statistically speaking, the male population is smaller than the female population. This means that economically, the guy is in an advantage in choosing and his pool is not that limited after all. In fact, he may even be highly desirable, assuming he is indeed a highly desirable guy to begin with. (What happen to the Christian girl is another issue which I will address in the future, if I have time.)
In ending, I have to disclaim that I am purely addressing my friends' comments on my post. This forms part of my views on relationship but not the entire picture. As I have always emphasized with my friends, I am quite a conservative when it comes to relationship and marriage. Given certain assumptions, and I don't think these are unreasonable, the problems that my friends brought up can actually be circumvented by shifting our perspectives a little.
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