Why guys remain single - Part 2
To continue from my previous post on why guys remain single, I originally wanted to carry on with practical advice on what single guys, who really want to tie the knot, can really do to get on with their lives and get a life towards marriage. But on second thought, I was wondering if I was a bit too hard on my own kind. Yet on the third thought, I decided that as men, we need to be able to take at the very least such tone, so I shall continue with my tirade.
So guys, let’s see what we can really do and examine some practical considerations:
Prepare yourself
This is a bit similar to my first point to the ladies, which is to prepare yourself to be the husband that the woman you are looking for is looking for. If you are asking for a virtuous wife who is submissive, caring, supportive of your ministry/work, willing to stay home to take care of your children, serves God in church, kingdom-minded, then you should be willing to be the kind of guy that these ladies deserve. On top of that, I would say that we guys need to be prepared to take on the responsibilities to lead our future family materially and spiritually and we need to learn how to love our wives as Christ loves the church.
And let me sidetrack a bit here. Guys, for one, I do not believe that you need to be successful in your career or succeed in everything in life before you get married. It is my belief that as long as the guy is in good progress to rectify his bad habits (be it financially or emotionally etc), he is well on the way towards a fruitful relationship.
So to come back, you seriously need to prepare yourself. Hanging out all night with friends or alone out there may be viable now, but you need to learn and prepare to live a life that is run together with another person, not run alone. I learn this during one of my marathons, when God spoke to me that I have been fairly irresponsible in living my own life, in the sense that I make decisions without considering the people around me. Hence, that became a lesson for me that as I embarked on the next stage of my relational life, I just need to learn how to account for the other half in my life. After all, if we are truly preparing for marriage, we need to then learn to cleave as one along the way. It just does not happen right after we say our vows.
Take the initiative
I think part of being a man is really to take the leadership and initiative in our relationship. This is, as I would argue, literally our God-given role. As the saying goes, we miss 100% of the shots we do not take. And as another saying goes, fortune favours the bold. We cannot perpetually sit there and refuse to do anything simply because we are afraid of rejections. You are going to set the pattern for your relationship and you cannot afford to allow the relationship to be defined as you being the passive half right from the start. And in any case, if you are so passive, you are probably not going to go anywhere.
And you know what, if you feel butterflies in the stomach, you are not the first one, and probably not the only one, and definitely not going to be the last one to experience this when you do the initial asking. For the first-timer (such as me), it was as terrifying as our first attempt at public speaking. I thought public speaking was bad but I never realized that I had the same fright at such a private setting – especially since I thought I had since overcome the fear of public speaking.
One more thought for your consideration. Guys, economics favour your odds. I know I am making it sound so impersonal, but honestly, the numbers do play to our favour. The competition, numerically speaking, is not tight, considering that there are less guys out there compared to girls. But what I am saying is not for you to play hard-to-get, but to encourage you that even if you get rejected, it is not the end of the world and there are a lot of good girls out there. It is normal to be dejected but the longer you remain dejected, the more time you waste.
In short, just have the balls to take action. If a girl has to be so desperate to pull a Ruth on you, then you seriously failed.
For the rest of the advices, I think they would mirror some of the pointers I gave in my previous posts.
So guys, let’s see what we can really do and examine some practical considerations:
Prepare yourself
This is a bit similar to my first point to the ladies, which is to prepare yourself to be the husband that the woman you are looking for is looking for. If you are asking for a virtuous wife who is submissive, caring, supportive of your ministry/work, willing to stay home to take care of your children, serves God in church, kingdom-minded, then you should be willing to be the kind of guy that these ladies deserve. On top of that, I would say that we guys need to be prepared to take on the responsibilities to lead our future family materially and spiritually and we need to learn how to love our wives as Christ loves the church.
And let me sidetrack a bit here. Guys, for one, I do not believe that you need to be successful in your career or succeed in everything in life before you get married. It is my belief that as long as the guy is in good progress to rectify his bad habits (be it financially or emotionally etc), he is well on the way towards a fruitful relationship.
So to come back, you seriously need to prepare yourself. Hanging out all night with friends or alone out there may be viable now, but you need to learn and prepare to live a life that is run together with another person, not run alone. I learn this during one of my marathons, when God spoke to me that I have been fairly irresponsible in living my own life, in the sense that I make decisions without considering the people around me. Hence, that became a lesson for me that as I embarked on the next stage of my relational life, I just need to learn how to account for the other half in my life. After all, if we are truly preparing for marriage, we need to then learn to cleave as one along the way. It just does not happen right after we say our vows.
Take the initiative
I think part of being a man is really to take the leadership and initiative in our relationship. This is, as I would argue, literally our God-given role. As the saying goes, we miss 100% of the shots we do not take. And as another saying goes, fortune favours the bold. We cannot perpetually sit there and refuse to do anything simply because we are afraid of rejections. You are going to set the pattern for your relationship and you cannot afford to allow the relationship to be defined as you being the passive half right from the start. And in any case, if you are so passive, you are probably not going to go anywhere.
And you know what, if you feel butterflies in the stomach, you are not the first one, and probably not the only one, and definitely not going to be the last one to experience this when you do the initial asking. For the first-timer (such as me), it was as terrifying as our first attempt at public speaking. I thought public speaking was bad but I never realized that I had the same fright at such a private setting – especially since I thought I had since overcome the fear of public speaking.
One more thought for your consideration. Guys, economics favour your odds. I know I am making it sound so impersonal, but honestly, the numbers do play to our favour. The competition, numerically speaking, is not tight, considering that there are less guys out there compared to girls. But what I am saying is not for you to play hard-to-get, but to encourage you that even if you get rejected, it is not the end of the world and there are a lot of good girls out there. It is normal to be dejected but the longer you remain dejected, the more time you waste.
In short, just have the balls to take action. If a girl has to be so desperate to pull a Ruth on you, then you seriously failed.
For the rest of the advices, I think they would mirror some of the pointers I gave in my previous posts.
I will just leave it at here.
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